Best military humour

[jdm]

Here's my start

Wake up a comrade, shake him well and ask about misplaced tank keys. As he babbles something remind him/her that tanks have no keys. Laugh.

Edited August 30, 2016 by jdm

[lluvitar]

Sending "new meat" or "boot" (someone just reporting from bootcamp) on an errand to retrieve 50 feet of gun line.  Left handed items like hammers or monkey wrenches were also used.

[anilv]

Jim and Jack just got promoted from Privates to Sergeants.

Not long after they’re out on a 3-day pass and Jim says, “Hey Jack, there’s the NCO Club. Let’s you and me stop in and have us a drank.” “But we're privates,” protests Jack. “NO, we're sergeants now,” says Jim, pulling him inside “Now, Jack, I’m gonna sit down and have me a drink.” “But, we're privates,” says Jack. “You idiot!” says Jim, we're Sergeants now!” So they order their drinks and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Jim. “You’re cute,” she says, “and I’d like to take you someplace and make you feel good — but I’ve got a bad case of gonorrhea.” Jim pulls his friend to the side and whispers, “Jack, go look in the dictionary and see what that gonorrhea means. If it’s good, give me the okay sign.” Jack goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Jim the big okay sign. Three weeks later Jim is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea. “Jack,” he says, “What you give me the okay for?!” “Well Jim, in the dictionary, it says gonorrhea only affects the privates.” ..........

.......but we’re Sergeants now!