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oldhippy

Something to lighten the day.

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28 minutes ago, oldhippy said:

As much as that. You have been robbed.

Robbed... positively fried I would say. However, on the plus side, I can use it as an excuse to tell terrible  sausage jokes... 

Capitalism, Socialism, and Communism have a meeting for tea at noon. Capitalism and Communism arrive on time, but Socialism is nowhere to be found. Finally he arrives, out of breath and apologetic." I'm sorry," says Socialism, "I was standing in line for sausage." Capitalism says - "What's a line?" And Communism says - "What's a sausage?"

... or ...


There were two sausages in a frying pan. One sausage turned to the other and said "man its hot in here", the other sausage looked shocked turned and said.. "Now there's something you don't see every day...  a taking sausage!!"

... or if that doesn't tickle you ...

 

There's this butcher and one day just as he is about to close the shop for the day a dog came in with a note in his mouth.
The note read "Can I have a steak and three sausage links please?"
The butcher took the note and gathered the things.
When he turned back around he was surprised to see a twenty dollar bill in the dog's mouth.
The dog grabbed the meat in a bag and left the shop.
The astounded butcher decides to close up his shop and follow the dog.
The pair soon came to a bus stop.
The dog looked at the schedule and sat down on the bench.
The first bus came and the dog got up and trotted over to the front of the bus, looked at the number and sat back down.
Another bus came and again the dog looked at the bus number and saw it was the right one.
He got on, the butcher closely following.
The bus rumbled on and the dog jumped up walked to the front of the bus, leaped up and rang the bell to stop the bus.
The dog got out with the butcher in tow and headed off down the street. After some time they turned in to a driveway.
The dog bounded down the tarmac to the door and clattered the letter box.
The dog did it again and hopped up on a fence to peer in the window. The canine knocked on the window with his paw then jumped back on to the tarmac, grabbed the meat and walked up to the door.
The door opened and a man walked out and started to yell at the dog.
The butcher ran up to stop him. The butcher said "What are you doing? This dog is amazing!"
"What are you talking about? This is the second time this week that he's forgot his key!"

BTW - Pro tip.. Do NOT Google "Sausage watch"... just saying... :wacko:

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At a job interview someone is asked  "what would you say is your biggest fault?" and answers   "I'm too honest".   The Interviewer explains "I don't really think that's a fault" to which the Applicant responds "I don't give a f**k what you think!"

 

Edited by measuretwice

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